I THINK MY DEPRESSION IS GETTING WORSE. :((?

i'm depressed for about 4yrs. i think but i doesn't even bother me. now, it always bother me.. especially my mind.there;s no time that i'm not thinking of my problems. i always feel more sad,i dont even trust myself, my relationship with my bf also getting affected he is the only person that tries his best to help me.but it's getting worse and worse now.,i always wanted to commit suicide,. no one noticed it for the passed yrs.bcoz i tried to hide it..no one can understand me.i'm feeling and experiencing all the symptoms of severe depression for the past months.. it really affects my life. if i encountered a problem i'm just going to harm myself by using a blade. and i'm addicted to it.. i don;t know how to handle it.. i'm gaining weight, i lost interest to all the things i used to enjoy. actually, my bf wants me to tell it to my parents.. but i don't want to.. i'm angry to them, coz i'm trying to tell them but they don't take it seriously thy evn got angry with me.he even wanted to take me to a doctor but i don't want to be a burden to him.. we don;t have that money.. i'm trying my best to fight it, but i can't.. maybe, i'm just waitng for the time that i'm going to commit suicde.. but i dont want to.. :(( what should i do now? its very hard to live like this,